Manchester United were forced to travel here by bus. They duly attempted to park it in their own penalty area, left it in reverse and, come the end, were sifting through the wreckage of a car-crash performance that shows how far down the road they are behind the other United, the one of Newcastle, who were magnificent and warmed the soul of their supporters on a sub-zero evening.
For this was a one-zero annihilation, the narrowest of scorelines but proof of the ever-widening gap between the teams.
Remarkably, only this victory – thanks to the excellent Anthony Gordon’s second-half strike – took Eddie Howe’s team above their visitors in the Premier League. Now, for the first time in more than a century, Newcastle have beaten Man United in three straight games.
We could have played for another 100 years and you wouldn’t have fancied Man United to score. For once, the issues were not with their goalkeeper.
Anthony Gordon handed Newcastle a 1-0 win after sneaking in at the back post in the second half
The England youth star ensured the Magpies bounced back from disappointment in midweek at PSG
Nick Pope was taken off late in the game to compound Eddie Howe’s injury headaches
Erik Ten Hag spent much of his pre-match taking questions on Andre Onana. He answered one by keeping faith with him. One comment in the wake of his latest calamity at Galatasaray suggested Onana could be football’s first ‘false one’. There were a few in red jerseys faking it here.
It was not just in Manchester where they were talking about the stopper. Howe, much like Onana can shots on his goal, had also sidestepped a question about the Cameroonian on Friday. He prefers his players to shoot down the opposition on a Saturday, and this was a display he happily labeled one of their best of the season, and that’s a competitive field.
The only surprise was that it took 55 minutes to score, and that it remained the only goal. Bruno Guimaraes found the overlapping Kieran Trippier and he threaded a first-time cross through the goalmouth, where the only taker was Gordon, converting at the far post having stolen two yards on the shoulder of Aaron Wan-Bissaka.
This was Gordon’s sixth of the season. That he scored only seven during the entirety of his time at Everton shows the improvement under Howe. The winger would have been a keen observer of the Euro 2024 draw a couple of hours before kick-off. In this form, he surely has to be given a cap during the March internationals.
Howe has challenged him to add goals to his game and, at St James’ especially – four in a row here now – it feels like a basketball would drop in a golf hole for the 22-year-old.
Who would Gareth Southgate leave out, given his wealth of talent in those wide areas? Well, if he was watching this from Hamburg, he had his answer – Marcus Rashford. The Man United forward lasted a little over an hour and you got the impression that was 62 minutes too many for him.
His body language shortly before being hooked was telling, slowing to a petulant walk after Gordon had escaped him on the left. He was, however, never going anything more than a canter in the first place.
Off he came, joined by the equally ineffective Anthony Martial, who had rowed with Ten Hag in the first half. That was more fight than he showed at any other time. To think, Martial is one short of joining Eric Cantona on 64 Premier League goals for the club.
Did he ever look like drawing level here? Not a chance. Literally, not a single chance for the centre-forward. This contest was played at the other end of the park.
Onana’s first involvement was, mercifully for him, with his feet. Indeed, Diogo Dalot’s back-pass was Man United’s only completed pass inside the opening four minutes. Dalot, however, clearly had little faith in his team-mate’s hands, stealing from Onana’s grasp inside the goalmouth on 10 minutes.
Harry Maguire performed well at the back for United as his good form continues but he could not prevent Gordon from getting the opener
Even with 100 more years of play you wouldn’t have fancied Man United to breakdown Newcastle’s defence
Eddie Howe’s side have seen off the challenges of Chelsea and Man United while hampered by injury woes
Marcus Rashford’s body language before being hooked was petulant after a poor 62 minutes
The ball bounced up onto the defender’s arm – a penalty, if you’re in Paris – but home appeals were, rightly, waved away.
A record of this game will show that Man United had the first shot on target, but that was misleading in the extreme. It felt like they needed written permission to cross the halfway line. Still, Alejandro Garnacho should have scored when sent clear by Bruno Fernandes.
The winger hesitated, as if reluctant to shoot. Maybe the scorer of last week’s spectacular bicycle-kick prefers the ball above his head outside the box, rather than at his feet in it. By the time he did dispatch, the angle was against him and Nick Pope blocked with his feet.
But the spider cam spinning a web above the pitch needed every one of its eight legs to keep up with a relentless Newcastle. Howe, in reality, is working with a bare 11 right now, evidenced by naming the same team in the three matches since the international break. To show the energy and aggression they did, then, was quite remarkable.
‘Let’s f***ing give it to them’ said Howe before April’s 2-0 win over the same opposition at St James’. That quote was celebrated on a giant flag before kick-off. It felt as if the head coach had given exactly the same team-talk.
United rallied late on after Pope went off but a late equaliser was ruled out for offside
There were 13 home shots before half-time. The frustration for Howe was that only one drew a save from Onana, and what a fine stop it was to deny Miguel Almiron.
Harry Maguire then diverted wide from Alexander Isak’s close-range stab and Jamaal Lascelles headed inches over from the corner. The closest Newcastle came to a breakthrough was on 39 minutes, when Trippier beat the wall but not the crossbar with a free-kick from 25 yards.
Ten Hag would have been relieved to hear the half-time whistle, but quite what instruction he then gave his team was a mystery, for they emerged just as disinterested.
There was a late rally when Pope was forced off with a shoulder injury, but his replacement Martin Dubravka did not have a save to make. Nor was he ever likely to.
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