Well played, Headsy: Greats line up to farewell legend of the game

He was an irascible, irrepressible larrikin of the larks like they don’t quite make them any more and was immensely likeable. In 1983, he was the first one to push the idea of professional rugby and signed some 30 of us to what became known as the David Lord rugby circus. One bright morning, I signed the contract in his apartment in Cremorne for about $150K and drove back to my poxy flat in Manly looking covetously at the Porsche in front of me on the Spit Bridge. I never heard from David again, at least not on that subject, and that was David all over – scatty not catty, more dreamer than schemer.

Masterclass is over for Tiger

If I may adapt one key word of T.S. Eliot’s famous couplet from The Hollow Men – “This is the way the world ends / Not with a [roar] but a whimper ” – the great English poet was never more right in that summation than when it comes to sport.

For while the roar of Tiger Woods has been heard in the golfing world for all of three decades, and he managed to make a birdie in his first time at bat in this year’s Masters before going on to make the cut for a record 26th consecutive time, it all started to fall apart for the 48-year-old thereafter.

Yes, it was an achievement for him to be out there at all after the devastating injuries he suffered in his 2021 car crash, but by the fourth day of this Masters it all caught up with him and he carded an 82 – his worst score ever at the tournament he practically owns – and finished stone motherless last of those who made the cut.

Will he go on next year? Perhaps. But he’d be best advised to call it day. He’s won fifteen Majors and will obviously not be winning any more, or even going close, and few sports people could go into retirement having accomplished more.

Any Storm in a sport

TFF ran a small item last week noting that while “Petero Civoniceva” retains my all-time record for best and most mellifluous name in sport – though Nic Naitanui ran him close – the Raiders’ Xavier Savage has likely edged the Knights’ Bradman Best for a name that connotes power all on its own.

Just this week, however, a reader points out another name in the world of sport that deserves to be famous. One of the candidates in the upcoming NFL draft is Louisville cornerback Storm Duck, who was named by his parents after a soap opera character.

As he is very low down the rankings he is reportedly unlikely to be picked up by an NFL team, but I would pick him for the fun of the name alone!

Shark attack (not by me though)

Why do I have to bag Greg Norman all the time? Eamon Lynch, of Golfweek, this time you have a go in your inimitable manner.

“AUGUSTA, Ga. — For nigh on 40 years, numbers have had a painful way of exposing Greg Norman’s shortcomings at Augusta National. Some have been small, like the 5 he carded on the last hole in 1986 to finish runner-up. Or the six bogeys he made in the final round a year later on his way to finishing runner-up. Or the 11-shot swing he authored in ’96 that turned a six-stroke lead into a five-shot defeat as he finished … well, you know.

“Norman largely ceased competing here more than two decades ago, and yet the 88th Masters has produced another number — one that is undetermined, but high — that reveals a great deal about him.

“Each competitor in the field at the Masters gets eight passes to be used for family, friends and hangers-on, though Augusta National sets some parameters on who they may be used for. Players also have the option to purchase four additional badges. With 13 LIV golfers competing this week, that represents dozens of opportunities for one of them to bring their boss to the tournament as thanks for allowing them to grow the game. And yet Norman ended up buying a ticket on the secondary market.″

Oh yes. “The boss is here.”

Shoot me.

What they said

Former rugby league player John Bilbija’s wife, Michelle Bilbija: “Frankly, I’m surprised he is still with us today. He is just a shell of the lovely man he was … the lights are on but no one is home. It’s got to the stage where he can’t feed himself, can’t talk, can’t dress himself … he needs full-time care. I met with a lawyer and explained to him what the doctors said – that the head knocks have left him like this.” Her husband, who was diagnosed with early onset dementia at 56, is now 65. He played 49 first-grade games in the 1980s with the Magpies, Rabbitohs, Tigers and Eels.

Michelle Bilbija on her husband of 43 years: “If he’d have known the dangers, he would never have played the game. There’s not enough awareness among players today. And they are bigger and stronger than the players who were around in John’s era in the 1980s, the game is faster and players take harder knocks. If only they knew the dangers.” They sort of do, now, but they just don’t believe it will happen to them, despite the impacts now being so much bigger and them playing more matches a season.

Swimmer Kaylee McKeown about getting bonuses for winning in Paris: “I’m not in the sport for money. Anything I get is a bonus. I would be a tennis player if I was wanting money. I just enjoy what I do and it’s about the only thing I’m really good at.” She got three gold medals at the Tokyo Olympics and is expected to tear ’em up in Paris.

Tara Davis-Woodhall, an American long jumper, unimpressed with the revealing uniforms Nike designed for them: “Wait, my hoo haa is gonna be out.”

Lauren Fleshman, the US national champion in the 5000m in 2006 and 2010, adds to the hoo-ha on the Nike Olympic uniform: “Professional athletes should be able to compete without dedicating brain space to constant pube vigilance . . . This is a costume born of patriarchal forces that are no longer welcome or needed to get eyes on women’s sports . . . Stop making it harder for half the population @nike @teamusa @usatf.”

Ricky Stuart not impressed with Des Hasler’s comments on the referee after the Raiders prevailed in golden point: “F**k me he’s on another planet mate. If he is critical of the six-agains and the penalty count he is on another planet.”

Graham Annesley on the Hasler/Stuart verbal ding-dong: “[Rugby League’s] an imperfect game, played by imperfect players, controlled by imperfect referees and they won’t get everything right.” He could have thrown in coaches, fans and us journos.

Richmond coach Adem Yze after they lost to the West Coast Eagles: “We’ve gone through a lot. Not just the injuries, but we travelled twice in a row, things like that. We’re not going to use that as an excuse. But I sensed that in the second half we looked tired. Our third quarter – that’s not us.”

Former Rugby Australia CEO John O’Neill on his chair, Dick McGruther, who died this week. “His rugby diplomacy in the early days of SANZAAR was exceptional. He was an innovator and a genuine doer when others might line up to take the credit. He wasn’t just one of the finest rugby administrators in Australia, he was one of the finest sporting administrators in the country.”

The article by Eamon Lynch appearing in Golfweek was headlined: “If only the Masters awarded green jackets to trolls, Greg Norman would finally win at Augusta National.”

Team of the week

Kaylee McKeown. No Olympic Games can be complete without a designated “Golden girl” – now updated to Wonder Woman, I’d imagine? – and after her performances in the pool this week, smashing records, the 22-year-old from Brissie looks like one most likely.

Scottie Scheffler. Won his second Masters.

Central Coast and Wellington. Fighting it out for the A-League premiership with two matches left. I know. Who knew?

West Coast Eagles. Won first match of the season.

Waratahs. Breathed life into their season with courageous last-minute win over Crusaders, the second time the Cantabrians have fallen to the – all hale must hail – Sword of the Tahs!

Wrexham. The Welsh football team dropped out of the English Football League in 2008, but since actors Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney bought the club in 2020 they have secured promotions in consecutive seasons to make it to League One, the third flight of English football.

North Melbourne and Hawthorn. Loser of this match will become the AFL’s last winless team this season.

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RIP. Dick McGruther, 77. The famed rugby union administrator – a quiet man of impeccable integrity who everyone trusted – passed away this week. He was chair of the ARU from 1996-1998, ushering in the professional rugby age of which he was one of the principal architects. Vale, Dick.

Twitter: @Peter_Fitz

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