We’re all quite used to being offended these days. It’s a rare social media user who hasn’t been bad-mouthed at some point for an ‘ill-advised’ opinion, ’trashy’ look or ‘thoughtless’ comment.
But strangers having a go at you is one thing. Being insulted when you are at your most vulnerable – lying in bed, naked with someone, after letting them touch and feel your most intimate parts – is quite another.
That’s personal – and it hurts.
This is a snapshot of the many sexual insults that poured furiously onto my social media when I asked women the question, ‘What’s the worst thing a man has said to you after sex’?
Sex therapist Tracey Cox gets real women to reveal their most shocking sexual insults (stock image)
The worst thing a man can say after sex is…
“Whilst laughing, ‘(Mutual friend’s name) is gonna be so mad when he finds out I f***ed you first.’ Oh, so this was a game was it?”
“An ex of mine once suggested I go to the gym a bit more because he’d ‘find me more attractive if I was fitter’. We were in the middle of a post coital cuddle. Really killed the mood – and the relationship!”
“Next time, can you shower first?”
“’I’m just not sexually attracted to you’ – said after we’d just had sex.”
“I once had a dude stop halfway through because he thought it was unfair that I’d had an orgasm and he hadn’t yet. He felt I should have waited for him and said I was cheating and selfish for putting myself first. I found this ironic and started laughing. He got annoyed and left.”
Tracey (pictured) said that women too appear to be equally as guilty when it comes to post-coital slurs
“Does it always smell like that?”
“Saying nothing. Everyone’s paranoid after the first time and needs reassurance. Saying absolutely nothing is the equivalent of saying ‘That was so bad, I can’t even pretend it was good’.”
“I thought the sex went really well so was shocked when he said, ‘Don’t worry. It just takes time to get used to each other’.”
“Asking ‘Did you come?’ when all you’ve done is had two minutes of intercourse and no foreplay.”
“Wow! Your breasts looked so much bigger when you had your bra on.”
“You look kind of weird down there.”
“I love that you don’t care that you’re fat. Do you normally date black guys? They’re into that aren’t they?”
“He was taking ages and ages to orgasm because he’d had too much to drink, so I asked him to hurry up. He rolled off me and said, ‘I couldn’t finish because you’re too big down below’.”
“I slept with a friend who I was hoping would turn into lover. I thought it was OK but afterwards, he said, ‘Well, I guess we both now know we should just be friends’.”
The worst thing a woman can say to a man after sex
Women are just as guilty when it comes to post-coital insults. Here’s a snippet of what men find most hurtful.
“Can’t we just have regular sex? Why do we have to…use sex toys/film it/watch porn/have role-play/bondage etc.”
“The old ‘Is it in yet?’ has yet to be beaten.”
“This has never happened to me before. Guys are really turned on by me. What’s wrong with you?”
“Did you put the bins out?”
“Is it OK if I finish off with my vibrator?”
“I’m glad you’re not as big as my ex.”
“‘That was nice’. Nice? Sex isn’’t supposed to be nice, it’s meant to be amazing.”
“Is that a micro penis?”
“That’s not what I expected.”
“’Do you think you might be gay?’, after I suggested we try some anal play.”
“I wish you’d lasted longer.”
“I asked if I was a good lover and she said, ‘You’re definitely in the top 20’.”
“You’d look great if you worked out.”
“It’s like a banana. (Laughs). How am I supposed to take it seriously when it bends like that?”
“Where did you learn that women like that? They really don’t, you know.”
“Is that even big enough to go inside?”
“’Men’s balls are just so weird,’ she said while examining mine with a look of disgust. ‘They look like an old man’s bald head’.”
“He’d been chasing me for months and when we finally did sleep together, he said ‘Call me if you want to do this again’.”
“I know you don’t want to shave it all off but can’t you just trim it? You’re so hairy and it’s gross when I get a hair in my mouth.”
So, there you have it.
The women’s reactions to these comments ranged from laughing it off to (more often) tears, anger and humiliation.
All put-downs are unpleasant but sex-based taunts, even more so – for both sexes.
Comments about genital size and appearance
There’s nothing you can do about a penis that’s too big or two small and while labiaplasty can ‘fix’ vaginal lips that dare to protrude, few people have the cash to cough up for it – or (more sensibly) want to.
When it comes to our genitals, what we have is what we’re stuck with – which is why it hurts so much when someone insults them.
All women know telling a man his penis is undersized isn’t a nice thing to do; lots of men don’t seem to realise that commenting negatively on the look, colour or taste of our vulva is equally as bad.
If you’re tempted to point out anything other than 100 per cent positive things about your partner’s parts, rethink.
They will never forgive you, they will carry it with them forever and you could potentially ruin all their future sex encounters.
Complaints of ‘bad’ technique
Sex skills are learned – which is why we get better at it with experience. In one sense, being critiqued on your technique isn’t such a bad thing because, with a bit of research and practise, you can improve.
The only problem is most people secretly think they should just ‘know’ what to do to give others pleasure; that we’re all born pre-programmed with sexual instructions.
Comments like, ‘I didn’t think there was such a thing as a bad BJ but you’ve just proved to me there is’ make people feel idiotic, clumsy, embarrassed and humiliated.
Feeling confident of our sexual skills is important. Give positive feedback and gentle guidance, don’t diss.
Comparing you unfavourably to others
“My ex was great at oral sex. Can I show you the way he used to do it?”. “My ex has the best breasts. They were quite something!” (while looking less than impressed with yours). “I think I’m used to men who can last a long time. Have you always had this problem?”.
Everyone wants to be the best lover their partner ever had and being told you aren’t a patch on those who came before you is a huge confidence crusher. It also conjures up an unwelcome image of your partner having sex with others: you know they have but who wants to be reminded of it?
Unfavourable comparisons also fuel the many dangerous sex myths out there that make an awful lot of people very unhappy – for absolutely no reason.
One of them is the myth that says most women orgasm during intercourse. They don’t: only 20 per cent of women can orgasm purely through penetration.
The range of insults included comments about genital size, appearance and performance (stock image)
When men say things like – ‘My ex never had a problem having an orgasm during sex. Neither did the one before her’ – it feeds the secret fear some women have that there’s something wrong with them if they don’t climax that way.
Not only are you insulting her, you’re breathing life into a misconception that should have been knocked on the head decades ago.
Taking ‘too long’ to climax, not lasting long enough – how our sexual system functions is a combination of genetics, conditioning through sexual habits and other factors that may not be within our control.
It’s one thing asking a partner, ‘Should I do something differently? It seems to be taking you a while to orgasm”. Quite another saying (sarcastically), “Seriously? You still haven’t? I’ve been down here for hours!”.
Smirking at a guy who ejaculates before he’s even had a chance to penetrate is guaranteeing he’ll be even more anxious next time around.
Feedback on performance is fine but it’s got to be tactful, helpful and well-timed.
If you’re ever in doubt about whether something might offend, ask yourself this question: ‘How would I feel if the sexual equivalent was levelled at me?”.
Give the gift of novelty this Christmas with a product from Tracey’s supersex or Edge ranges. You’ll find them at lovehoney.co.uk or traceycox.com.
Source: Daily Mail |World News