Weighing 132 pounds, Valerie Bertinelli put on a green bikini and posed for People in March 2009. That was the first time she wore a swimsuit in three decades. “I thought, ‘If I’m so afraid of a bikini, there’s something wrong.’ And so I had to get back into one!” she said. In the weeks leading up to the shoot, Bertinelli — seen above in 2009 — reduced her daily caloric intake from 1,700 to 1,200 and upped her exercise routine.

She couldn’t be happier with the way she looked. “I never, ever, ever had deltoids!” she said. “Oh my God, when I’m doing exercises and I see them pop out, I’m like, Yes!” Two years into her weight-loss journey, Bertinelli couldn’t believe she had been able to keep the pounds off. “I know about losing weight, done it before … but maintaining it, that’s what I’m going through right now,” she told ABC News in 2009.

But Bertinelli’s views on weight loss have shifted and she now feels conflicted about it. “There’s a lot of pride and a lot of shame associated with that cover,” she told People in 2020. She’s proud of the work she put into her health but now recognizes she failed to address the underlying reasons for her fluctuating weight. “I wish to God I had worked just as hard on my mental shape,” she said. Because, inevitably, the root cause was bound to strike again. And it did.

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Nicki

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